


Madness

by shiannan



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Angst, Drama, Guilt, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Unhealthy Relationships, everybody's fucked up including the author, guilt complex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 12:35:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6374998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiannan/pseuds/shiannan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Tris's death Four is slowly losing his mind. Caleb's suffering too, and tries to get rid of his guilt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Madness

He paid me a visit on a hot summer day, when the merciless sun was so scorching as if it wanted to make the asphalt melt.

He was pale and skinny, so at first I thought he was just one of my visions..

At that time i was sort of used to having hallucinations, so I just let him in. Had he been real, I would have thrown him out without a second thought. Real scums had nothing to do at my home, although the place could hardly be called like that.

Well, imaginary scums were welcomed.

‘Hi, scum,’ I said. It wasn’t very polite of me, but, actually. I could just have knocked his teeth out.

‘Hi, Four,’ he answered.

‘Call me Tobias. There’s no Four, he’s dead.’

‘Call me Caleb’

‘Do you want to say you’re not a scum anymore?’

He just shrugged his shoulders, as if it were the answer.

I had to ask him the only thing that mattered:

‘Are you my hallucination?’

‘No.’

And then, with no hint of shame or pity, I punched him in his cheeky face.

He fell down like a fish on a pier.

I rubbed my fist. He really was real, though quite fragile.

‘What are you looking for here, you scum?’

He rose from the floor. His eyebrow was bleeding.

‘Has come to check on you. People say, you don’t leave the flat. Everyone’s worried about you.’

I decided not to ask him who that ‘everyone’ was. I didn’t care anyway.

‘Since when have you got so caring?’

‘Since she died. I rethought… things.’

He managed to evade my second hit. It seemed I’d been drinking too much.

‘Four… Tobias. I’m doing it for her, not for you.’

‘She doesn’t give a damn, cause she’s dead. You killed her.’

I started to cry. Maybe I didn’t. Everything was blurred those days.

He came up to me and touched my hair. I should have broken his skinny arm, but I couldn’t. I was being suffocated with fucking tears. 

‘I can’t bring her back. But she would be happy…’

‘If you babysat me a bit? It’s bullshit.’

Had he really made up his mind to replace Tris?

‘Do you want to substitute?’ I burst into laughter.

‘What?’ he looked at me sheepishly.

‘Ok, dude. Wanna substitute? Come on, do it. Take off your clothes.’

And then he started to rip his clothes off. 

His hands were trembling.

And that was when I realized that he’d gone nuts. He was totally mad. Like myself.

Caleb.

Caleb was very skinny and very pale, tall and awkward. He threw his shoes on the floor, then it was the turn of his flawlessly pressed shirt, creased trousers and black underwear, that looked so alien across his white skin. Clumsily, he took off his blue socks.

I was just standing there and staring at the distinct birthmark on his flat stomach, above the navel. Tris had one exactly like that.

It was the second when I doubted his being real again. 

I shouldn’t have stolen serums. I shouldn’t have been drinking.

‘Don’t just stand’ I giggled. ‘Get on all fours’

I was sure he was going to get his act together. Even Amar had never behaved like that with me…

Where had the memories of Amar come from? How had any memories got into my empty head?

And he just got on all fours, a fucking psycho. And he was also shaking like a leaf in the wind

‘Do everything you want,’ he said, and suddenly it struck me that he looked exactly like Tris. Because he said it in her voice.

Well, I might have just made it up.

I came to him, bent over and put my hands on his shoulders. His body wasn’t handsome, not really. His small dick was flaccid, no signs of arousal. His eyes were desperate and mad. Like Tris’s.

What could I do? I just kissed him. 

I might hope he would hit me back.

Instead, Caleb returned the kiss. I caressed his back. He felt cold — I could feel the hairs along his backbone standing on their ends.

‘You’re fucked up,’ I said. He nodded. I could feel his fear as it’d been my own.

I took his hand and made him sit on the sofa. I was thinking of bringing a blanket, but, fuck, I hadn’t got laid for quite a long time, and he was sitting there, he was shaking, and he had Tris’s voice, spoke in her voice.

I kissed him again and put my hand on his thigh, embracing him with the other arm.

His perfectly polished shoes were glaring at me reproachfully from the floor.

I was so turned on I couldn’t breathe, and I placed his hand in my crotch. He didn’t flinch, his own dick still hanging dead, but I couldn’t care less.

I wanted him to never come back, didn’t I? Or… I didn’t?

He might be reading my mind, cause he just unzipped my jeans, pulled down the pants and found the stiff. I didn’t know why I wasn’t ashamed.

‘I’ll help,’ he said.

He moved his hand too fast, it was almost painful, but no one had touched me for so long, and I couldn’t control myself. One. Two. Three.

I came when it came to ten.

Everything was dirty and sticky — my pants, my jeans, Caleb’s hands, but there was something there that felt so alive, so different from my blurred routine behind the closed door, that, again, I wanted to cry.

He rose from the sofa, still naked.

‘I’ve brought some food. May I cook it?’

‘Go for it. Kitchen’s…’

‘I’ll find it. And, one more thing… May I take you to the shower?’

I just nodded, trying not to say anything stupid.

He went to the kitchen, leaving me to watch his flat ass.

‘I’ve brought meat, some vegetables, and I managed to find a couple of muffins’’ he said loudly, not looking back at me.

Caleb.

Both of us were totally mad.

And I decided that he would stay.


End file.
